


Rewrite The Stars (Me and Mark Pellegrino) Non Explicit,

by angel_scoggins



Category: Mark Pellegrino - Fandom
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Conventions, F/M, Happy Ending, Hugs, Longing, Sad, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, biography, con - Freeform, fan meeting actor, true story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 17:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19233745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_scoggins/pseuds/angel_scoggins
Summary: So this is a story inspired by me meeting Mark at Planet Comicon. Kind of a short one but I really just wanted to sit and down and go through my feelings about someone who is such a big part of my life. And how that came to be.





	Rewrite The Stars (Me and Mark Pellegrino) Non Explicit,

Growing up, I never thought much about being different. It was just something I accepted, without question, like my mousy brown hair or silver eyes. I never noticed that I sat alone at lunch. Never really noticed that, when I was in elementary school and everyone else was getting Valentines, my hands were always left empty. When you're young, the deeper meanings of things can seem very fanciful, fluid, easy to ignore.

Life has always been upside down and inside out for me. My first kiss was at 24, the same night I also lost my virginity. I think that’s partly where my hatred of people comes from. It’s as if I’ve always stood in the center of a tornado, watching the world happily go about it’s business without me. People, sitting in lawn chairs, surrounded by friends and family. Dogs running about in the lush brass, birds chirping and the sun shining. While I’m stuck in this hole of misery, in a world that is never as it should be.

I think that’s why I took so much to fantasy. An escape from so many things that I didn’t want to see. I don’t see the point in describing it all to you. Deep down, though we enjoy being entertained by the misery of others, the deeper truth is that we are all just looking for a place to hang our heads and smile. Misery is vegetable we get stuck with, that life makes us eat. Makes us stronger, but we all really live for the joy. That’s the good stuff.

The bus ride out to Planet Comicon has been a long, grueling one. I’m feeling tired but excited to meet the person who means so much to me, the actor Mark Pellegrino. I can’t afford to go to many cons. Maybe one or two a year, but it always means so much to me. But it’s my own piece of heaven. People who haven’t lived my life would never understand. I’m alone. I’ve always, in the most important ways, been alone, but here, under the lights and lost in the crowd, that is when some dormant part of me awakens. Some part that I have stomped out through the years, tired of the many disappointments both great and small. But it’s damn hard to really kill that in a human being. Trust me. If it could be done, I would have done it many years ago.

My brother and I get our spot in line for autos. I’m still feeling exhausted from the trip, but my heart skips a beat when I see Mark sitting at the table, working his way through the group of people who have all lined up to have their stuff signed. It’s really hard to put that feeling into words. This is someone who I have imagined so many times in my mind. To see him in real life is so exciting and special. The fulfillment of a dream.

I clutch my two works of art tighter against my chest. I had pawned everything I had of value in order to afford getting them signed. One was a lovely piece I had done of Mark in a highly stylized blue color, something I knew he would love. The other was something more along my taste in art, a psychedelic piece of an angel morphing into a demon. I loved it because it was so much like my true self. The real me. The person who didn’t fit into any one place or genre. Stuck in the always changing upside down, inside out world.

I shuffled forward towards Mark when it came to my turn.

He smiles at me. Causing my heart to jump up into my throat, Beautiful, he is so beautiful. But not just in a physical way. No. Something much deeper than that. I can’t really describe it in away that does it justice. But I wish I could.

“Can I give you a hug?”

I’m amazed and gasp out yes, and he leans over and wraps his arms around me. I so want to kiss his cheek, but the thought of smearing him with lipstick holds me back. But I did ache to. I wish that moment had never ended. I would have happily lived in it forever.  
I wanted so badly to talk with Mark, to express to him how happy I was and how much I loved him. How all these bright, warm thoughts and feelings existed inside of me for the first time because of him. I wanted to say all these things and they twirled around in my head like a kite getting tossed into the air by a strong gust of wind, too far away from me to grasp.

Later on, my brother and I would go past the auto table, and there he would be, talking to a group of people, a happy smile on his handsome face. The world felt a bit brighter to me in those moments. The crowds who once would have frightened me vanished into the distance. The tornado that was my inner self would quiet, and there he would be, a smiling face in the void.

Later on, in our photo op, I would ask him to put a ring on my finger, as it would mean so much to me, since no man ever had such a thing before. And I knew that no one else would ever reach through me and pull that desire out but him. Later on, I would change my last name to his. And in those moments when I lay awake at night, thinking of how my life has gone, thinking of those brief, precious moments of him, of being held and wearing a ring on my finger, of knowing he is out there somewhere, such a wonderful, beautiful being, I feel like there is finally a place where I belong.


End file.
